


Feelings

by DragonBat19



Series: Keithtober 2018 [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: A lot of feels, Black Paladin Keith (Voltron), Cuban Lance (Voltron), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Galra Keith (Voltron), Gay Keith (Voltron), Keith (Voltron)-centric, Keithtober2018, M/M, Red Paladin Lance (Voltron), Takes place after season 7
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-08-06 00:20:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16377845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragonBat19/pseuds/DragonBat19
Summary: What a late night talk, a moment for himself under the cupola of the Universe, bonding with Cosmo and a little training can make you feel…Aka Keith is overwhelmed by feelings and insecurities…Can Cosmo and a late night training help him to get back to his own usual routine?





	Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> This Fic is for Keithtober and it takes place after Season 7 :’)  
> I did tag it but I’ll say it here again: it’s emotional hurt/comfort!  
> I hope you enjoy! ;)

“Are you in love with Lance?”

 

Those words nearly let Keith’s heart stand still. He totally got caught off guard and the only thing his brain tried to tell him was to run off and pretend that question was never asked. He always tried to avoid it but this time…there was nowhere to run off to. Keith wanted to shut down a wall in front of him and speak himself out of this situation. But wouldn’t that have been too obvious as well?

 

He remembered the time when Shiro had asked him that. It was still back at the Garrison when he had somehow noticed the changes in Keith’s expression when it came to Lance. It became even more obvious after how much time the former rivals had now spent together, defending the Universe. Fighting for their lives. Being more and more afraid of losing the other. Or their new found family.

 

The problem right now was not only what question had been asked. It was also because of _who_ was asking the question.

Of all people that he could have shaken off with “What the fuck are talking about?” he couldn’t just do that with her. With Allura. Lance’s crush…

 

Keith gulped harshly. His own throat burning like fire. His heart was beating as fast as hummingbird wings. He couldn’t grasp anything around him. He didn’t hear anything. It suddenly felt like there was a huge pressure on his chest...his whole body. He felt like he was in some kind of dream where he would wake up from any second now. But…it wasn’t…

 

“Keith?” Allura tried again.

He wanted to reply but he knew that whatever he would say he would be a stuttering mess and Allura wouldn’t believe him like that. As he tried to collect himself somehow Allura sighed and added “…I knew it…”

“…w-wait! I-I-!”

“No…it is okay. I knew you were. I mean...“ Allura slightly looked down to the floor, her left hand on her right lower arm, before she looked Keith directly in the eyes again, “…I…the way you are always looking at him…I recognized it even more after I…-”

 

Keith was speechless. He had never thought that someone ever had seen that or rather interpret it the right way. And now he knew that Allura was beginning to feel…the same…for Lance?...

 

“…A-Allura, I-“ he tried to somehow get himself out of this again but he suddenly found himself feeling defeated…it was always the biggest secret Keith ever had. No one knew. Even Shiro never heard the agreeing words from him. It was always speculations or interpretations in his reactions but there was never an actual “Yes! I love him!” to leave Keith’s lips. It was always in his head…for his own…

 

Keith let out a deep sigh and it was obviously really hard for him to get out the next words “…was it always…that obvious?...”

 

First Allura looked at him a little disbelievingly, as if she thought that she hadn’t heard him correctly. Heard him actually _agreeing_ on it. But then a small, slightly sad smile appeared on her lips while she nodded. Before she let Keith speak again she added “You do not have to explain anything, Keith. I will not tell Lance but…I sure hope everything will turn out well for all of us…”

And with that she turned around and walked down the long corridors until she took a turn around the left corner and was out of sight.

 

Keith couldn’t react as fast as she was gone but it suddenly felt like a huge pressure was lifted off of his body. He didn’t know that he was that tensed up and had been holding his breath until he finally let enough air fill his lungs again. Did this really just happen?...

 

~*~

 

It was already very late that night so Keith just wanted to go to bed…if his thoughts would have let him… The ‘conversation’ with Allura was spinning around in his head and kept him awake all night. He didn’t know how to explain why he was feeling this way, that those words were still hunting him. All he wanted to do was sleep and forget all about it. Forget that it ever happened. Forget that Allura now knew that he has feelings for Lance…Afraid of Lance finding out…

 

~*~

 

After Keith had gotten out of bed at 5 in the morning because he was sick of just laying around in bed, thinking too much, he tried to concentrate on the more important things.

The arrangements of the missions, informations being transmitted to everyone, building what still needs to be built or things that need a little bit of repairing. Also they were still working on a plan to defeat that damn Witch Haggar. Finding her before she can find them.

 

It was a really long day but it somehow helped Keith to distract himself. After everything he had to do and somehow get things running as the Black Paladin, Keith could finally really relate to Shiro and understand him more. Because all of this was even more tiring and exhausting than he ever had imagined…

 

The one to make him finally stop his work was Cosmo. All this time his big cosmic-wolf had tried everything to get Keith’s attention away from his work. Being it bumping into him, flopping half of his body onto Keith’s lap. Putting his front legs onto each of Keith’s shoulders while looking over his head and licking his cheek.

So after that Keith finally gave up and gave all of his attention to Cosmo.

 

“oh man…you sure are a hand full ya know that?” Keith stroke a bit rougher but still gentle through Cosmo’s fur.

Cosmo just let out a happy deep bark while wagging his tail even more. Keith couldn’t help but smile at his reaction. “Wanna go outside?” Another happy bark.

“Alright. Then let’s go, buddy.“ Keith replied and stood up while he tried not to fall over a huge, hyper Cosmo who was excitedly tipping from one paw to the other. Then he ran ahead of Keith while waiting impatiently at the entrance. It kind of looked like as if Cosmo tried to tell him to hurry and catch up faster.

Keith grinned while slightly shaking his head at that thought, as he catched up.

 

Because it was already night time no other cadets or officers were in the halls anymore. Probably everyone had already gone to bed.

 

It didn’t take long for Keith and Cosmo to arrive on the Galaxy Garrison’s roof. When he sat down, he let one leg hang down from the edge of the roof, while the other was angled. He used his hands to support him as he leant back a little looking into the starry sky. The light of the full moon enveloping him and Cosmo.

Come to think of it…if Keith was remembering it correctly…then this was the exact same spot as when Lance, Hunk and Pidge had seen the comet, that they later found out was Shiro, crash-land into the middle of the desert. Soon after that they all had to team up, to escape the Garrison’s AW-Cruisers (garrison’s off-road cars) and at the end finding the Blue Lion. You could say this was where they journey had began…

 

Keith smiled slightly as he remembered it. It has been Deca-Phoebs (years)…and since then all they did was fight. Fight for the Universe. Defending it and bringing an end to Zarkon’s reign. Then to Lotor. And now all that was left was that Witch Haggar…

It could happen _everything_ now. Although no one would admit it openly…everyone was afraid. But of course the Paladins were afraid…scared of losing their friends and their families. But most of all their lives…Losing _everything_.

What kept them up was each other. The thought of being together and protecting everyone. Their planet and people. The whole Universe. It was their duty as the Legendary Defenders.

 

They had to crawl through dirt, fight bloody and unfair battles. But they _never_ gave up. They had lost a brother, a friend, allies, a lover…but they _never_ gave up. They continued fighting and they will only stop if the last enemy has been wiped out.

 

Keith let out a deep sigh which made Cosmo, who was lying beside him, look up to him in worry. The Black Paladin’s lips formed a worried and sad smile, while he patted Cosmo on the head. “What do you think, buddy?...Will this turn out good…? for all of us, I mean…?”

Cosmo laid his head slightly to the side, pointing his ears up, but kept his eye contact with Keith. Then he suddenly nudged into Keith’s side, while he began wagging his tail again.

The Leader couldn’t help but grin. “…of course you wouldn’t know too.” The smile quickly vanished after that again while he focused on the view ahead.

 

Looking at this beautiful sight. Even though it was ‘only’ a desert it was so wonderful. Well he had been living in a desert nearly his whole life. Being it the Garrison or the shack but he never got tired of this view.

Miles of sand that tumbled over each other. The hills that tower above and around everything. When he looked up Keith looked directly into the universe itself again.

 

As a child he always saw hope in it…his biggest wishes were sent to the Universe. It was always so close, yet so far… Sometimes he felt like he could reach out and grasps the stars with his bare hands. Other times it felt like a completely different world far, far away and out of reach.

There was always this feeling inside of him that something was pulling him there. A strange but warm and welcoming feeling. That he belonged _there_ and not…on earth. Keith always longed for more and the ocean of stars seemed like they would have been able to give that to him…have the answers to his questions that he wanted and needed so badly...

He had always imagined that there has to be something out there. Other species aside from humans. It’s not possible that they were the only living beings with those many galaxies and planets out there. Who knew what was beyond our solar system? There had to be more to it, they just had to find it…

 

And they did.

 

Even though they had spent Deca-Phoebs (years) in it this view never got tired for him…but this time the aftertaste was bittersweet…

 

He had seen more than he had wished for. Found more than he dared to hope for but…it was all worth it in the end.

 

Keith closed his eyes, leant back a little more and just enjoyed the quiet piece. Who knew when the next attack would suddenly strike them. So he used this opportunity to completely relax. It helped even more that Cosmo was there, calming him down too.

 

~*~

 

After a little while memories with his Mum Krolia, Shiro, the other Paladins…and at last even memories with Lance flashed before his eyes. He had this strange feeling in his chest again…he was happy about the memories…some more than others but…the closer he got to Lance…the closer they became…the more it felt like Lance was drawn away from him.

He…had…Allura…? He had…feelings for _her_ …not for…-

 

“Ugh! Stop it!” Keith cursed to himself, shooting forward, his hands hiding his face. This sting in his heart was the worst feeling he had ever felt. It hurt…it hurt so fucking much…

He knew that he would probably never have a chance with him…but the most he was afraid of was that Lance…would find out…wouldn’t want to have anything to do with him anymore…hating…him…maybe even…

 

Cosmo looked at him with a lot of worry in his eyes and nuzzled his nose into the opening where Keith’s arm was bent. “…stop…” His nose bumped on Keith’s cheek. “stop it…!” bump, bump. Keith sighed heavily. „...please...“

Cosmo then stopped but let his head flop onto Keith’s arm, which was then pinned down to his leg, not avoiding Keith’s eyes.

 “seriously?...” the Leader let out a huff, after taking his time to add more. “…do you think…that…what does Lance…how does he…feel?...What am I…to him?...What am I gonna do if he finds out…if he hates me…or…I can’t just sit still and let Allura have her way! She never had any feelings towards him and now out of nowhere she suddenly-?! This doesn’t make any sense! Sure Lance is…Lance and all and I don’t even doubt that his feelings might be…true…for her…but…” again a deep sigh “…I don’t know…I don’t know what to do Cosmo…”

  
Keith was feeling like he was tied between two chairs. Accepting that Lance could end up with Allura and be happy for him because he would be happy. Or make a move himself and see how Lance reacts. But there was nothing for sure so everything could come out of that…but at least he would have tried then…

 

He would never know if he’ll never try. At least that’s what Shiro always told him. If Shiro never would have overcome his nervousness in front of Adam and asked him if they could eat lunch together, then they would have never ended up together. Engaged even.

And if Keith would try he could either get a ‘yes’ or…a ‘no’…He was more afraid of a ‘no’ than anything else if he was being honest.

A ‘no’ would crush his world…universe even…Lance was and probably always will be the only one he has ever developed this kind of feelings for. But maybe he could learn and…try to deal with it…but he didn’t want that…

What he wants is Lance. For him. For him only.

 

Suddenly something wet dripped down his chin, onto his Uniforms pants. Was it raining? He didn’t know that it was supposed to rain today. But…wait…

…No…that wasn’t rain...

Keith stroke a finger over his cheek, which was then wet. It was a tear…he was…crying?

“Oh no…oh fuck no!” He tried to wipe the tears away but they didn’t stop so he just gave in after a little while…

Cosmo licked a tear, that was running down his cheek, away too, flopping his head back onto Keith and wrapping himself around his most important person as best as he could to try comforting him.

“…god I hate this…”

 

Keith always tried to keep people away from him as far as he could by building up walls. Not interfering or opening up too much because he knew that people would use it against him in the end. He has been disappointed so many times in his life he stopped counting…

He never thought that he would ever come this far…also this far to develop feelings for someone. All this time he thought he wouldn’t even be capable of loving…but he was…surprisingly for himself…

 

He came all this way, grew so much as a person, as the Leader of Voltron…and yet these little things could throw him out that much. Because he didn’t know how to deal with it. What was love? He never learned that. Of course he loved Shiro but…he is his brother. It’s a different kind of love.

 

The love to Lance is…so difficult to describe. The weird but…somehow amazing feelings he gets when he just looks at Lance are…incredible. First he was afraid of them because he didn’t know what was suddenly going on with him but…he soon found out.

He seriously didn’t know how to deal with this kind of situation. Of course he had thought about talking to Shiro but then again…Shiro was busy with something else…and he didn’t want to disturb him and just throw all of his problems on him too…

So he was alone on this…for now…

 

A while later Keith had wiped his tears away and had snuggled himself more into Cosmo, enjoying his warmth and the silk soft fur against his skin, that wasn’t covered by the new Uniform.

 

~*~

 

The next thing Keith can remember is that he hears footsteps…that are coming closer. Did he really fell asleep? Cosmo was still lying totally relaxed and sleeping himself. As Keith looked around to find some kind of clock to know how long he had been out here someone tiredly mumbled “…what are you…doing here?”

Oh no…

As Keith turned around to face the source of the voice Lance was standing there in his pyjamas, rubbing his eye while yawning.

“L-Lance?...W-What are _you_ doing here?”

“Heeeey…I asked you first…” he replied with his sleep-deprived voice.

“…uhhh well…enjoying the view?”

Lance then looked around too and his sleepy eyes suddenly became wide awake. “WOW! This is beautiful!”

Keith couldn’t help but smile at the excitement that his right-hand-man was showing.

 

Cosmo must have heard the commotion so he sleepily lifted up his head, looking at Lance, and quickly started to wag his tail again.

“Awwwww hey buddy! You good?” Lance came closer to ruffle through Cosmo’s fur, who was more than enjoying it, while talking in a voice that some parents use towards their babies. “Did your Dad bring you out here? Knowing full well how damn cold it is?”

“No one said you had to come out here in your pyjamas, Lance.”

“Wha? Excuse me? I can’t just let you sit out here in the cold by yourself!”  
“I’m…I’m not all by myself?“ Keith pointed to Cosmo.

“Cosmo has a very thick fur so it’s okay for him! But not for you!”  
“Pft! Are you worried about me?“ Keith asked teasingly which surprisingly made Lance a completely stuttered mess.

“W-What?! N-N-No! You...I-I...w-why would I-?”

Keith couldn’t help but slightly laugh at Lance’s reaction. “Calm down. I was joking.”

Lance’s mouth quickly snapped shut after that, grabbing each lapel of his blue robe and wrapping his arms around his upper body.

“You’re freezing, Lance. You either go back in or-“ The Black Paladin quickly stopped talking before he said anything stupid.

“…oooooor?” this time it was Lance asking teasingly.

“N-Nothing! We all should go back in…it’s really getting cold!” with that Keith stood up while trying to avoid Lance’s eyes.

He probably would have thought of anything but not the fact that Keith just had an emotional breakdown and was now confronted with the cause, making it even worse…

 

Keith could have sworn that Lance was grinning behind him but then he heard that he and Cosmo were coming along too.

As soon as they got in Lance said “oh this is _much_ better! How did you manage to stay out there that long?”

“…uhm…”

“…don’t tell me you overworked again and fell asleep on Cosmo…”

_How the hell did he do that?!_

“…n-no?”

“Keith…”

“maybe?”

“Keith!”

“Okay yeah maybe I did…happy?”

“No! of damn course I’m not happy! I told you to do breaks and _not_ overwork yourself!”

Cosmo had sat down beside the two of them and it looked like he was agreeing with Lance.

Keith sighed. “I did take a break…”

“yeah and that was now! I meant in between, you Idiot!”

“Lance…did you come here to argue with me?”

“What? N-No! I didn’t! I was just…” the Cuban boy let out a heavy sigh “…if I don’t look out for you…y-you just don’t listen to anyone else…” Cosmo gave him _the look_. “Okay yeah, aside from you. But…”

Keith didn’t know what to do with this kind of situation. So Lance _was really_ worried about him…?

 

After a few tics (seconds) of silence Keith just asked “…you know what’s best to warm us up?”

“…ehh first of all that sounds _so_ wrong. And secondly…do I want to know?...” Lance looked at him sceptical.

Keith slightly grinned. “I meant training, Lance. Training. But wow…you sure have a dirty mind.” While Keith slightly grinned he already walked ahead.

 

Lance was a stuttering mess behind him again and as he managed to catch up Keith could see that he was blushing all the way up to his ears. Even though Keith wanted to tease him about it he quickly decided not to and just enjoyed that he could do this to Lance.

 

~*~

 

“Soooooo…why are we here again?” Lance asked as they arrived at the training-area.

“Well…as I already said it’s a good way to warm up again and besides…you still have to learn how to wield your broadsword.” Keith had already walked a bit ahead to give them both a good distance to start a little match.

“…wait, wait, wait, wait! Does that mean _you_ want to train me??”

“yeah, why? Is that a bad idea?”

“N-N-No! I just…would have never thought that you’d…want to…”

“I am the only sword-fighter here, right?” Keith said with a little smile, while he got into his fighting-pose, awakened Blade in hand.

Lance grinned himself “True…guess I have no other choice, huh.”

“uhm, no you don’t.”

“But how the hell am I gonna do that in this?” Lance pointed up and down on himself to draw Keith’s attention on his pyjamas and blue robe again.

“…just take off the robe then.”

“You want me to fight against you in my pyjamas?” the Red Paladin asked disbelievingly while his voice cracked a little at the end.

“We’re not actually gonna fight…we’re training. I’m gonna show you some moves and you just use them against me and we’ll see how far you come.”

“…but then you know what I’m gonna do…”

“Lance…do you want me to train you or not?” Keith voice became a bit stricter.

 

Lance gulped a little, overthinking it maybe even for a tic. “…honestly?” He looked up into Keith’s direction, who was waiting for an answer. “…I thought you’d never ask.”

_Thought he’ll never ask?_

“…uh what? You wanted me to? Then why did you never came to me and just aske-?”

“I! I…I don’t know. I just thought...you’re too busy? And you just came back so I didn’t want to…”

“…put your ‘burdens’ on me?” Keith finished his sentence a little annoyed. “Seriously? If there is ever something you want to talk about or ask me to train with you then please do it, Lance! I’m not gonna bite your head off!”

“…you wouldn’t?...”

“What? No!“ Keith let his guard down again „Lance, you know me! Better than I do myself sometimes…If there is ever something you need, if you ever need someone to talk to, if you ever feel lonely and need comfort...I’m...I’m there...“

 

Keith couldn’t quite decipher what Lance was thinking but as soon as he saw this beautiful, happy smile on his lips Keith knew that he must have said something right.

“Okay.” was enough of an answer to let Keith know that Lance was really fine with it. That it helped him knowing that. Hearing it from him again.

Keith smiled himself then, going back into his fighting-position. “Good. So…you’re ready?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be!”

 

~*~

 

After Lance had summoned his bayard and Keith had shown him some good moves for the beginning it didn’t take long until they ended up in a little, friendly but yet not too easy fight.

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to mainly focus on Keith's feelings and I'm very proud of how it turned out! :')
> 
> I added 4 prompts of Keithtober in this together: Day 13 “late night talk with Allura”, Day 8 “space and stars”, Day 22 “bonding with Cosmo” and Day 10 “training with Lance”! :’)  
> I already felt that in my other fic (“It’s the little moment’s that matter”) that it’s a lot of fun to only write Keith’s pov and how he interprets Lance’s expressions and body-language. It was new for me and a nice experience! :D
> 
> The art belongs to me!! Please DON'T repost/use!! Thank you!
> 
> I really hope you enjoyed it as much as I did writing it!!! Feedback, kudos and comments are very much appreciated!! <3
> 
> Also, I have a twitter (@DragonBat19) so come follow/scream at me -> https://twitter.com/DragonBat19


End file.
